I am feeling so many things today. Today is our third day at Children's and our fouth in the hospital. The longer we're here the worse I feel about some things and the better about others...I'll list them in outline format since I tend to ramble soooo badly!
* I feel...BLESSED IMMENSLY...we truly have the healthiest sick baby on our floor and I am sure in much of the hospital. He smiles at me many times a day and is cooing and interracting. We are encouraged to interract with other parents as a support system...I can't do it any more. My heart breaks for them and their struggles and their babies that even once they go home face lives of opposition and hardship. I know that they don't always see their struggles this way but it is heartbreaking for me. I almost feel guilty that I get to tell people how much my baby improves every day and that it seems we are on the verge of breakthrough and that there are going to be minimal lasting complications. I wish that feeling for every parent.
* I feel...GRATEFUL...for knowledgable and abundant staff. People everywhere all the time. Our own medical team is 12 people. I LOVE our morning consults where everyone contributes and we all put our heads together to formulate a plan. We see dr's more than we see nurses. The nurses are very accomadating and love to help us. You can see that they have genuine concern for the welfare of our baby and they are soooo attentive to everything going on. Also, it's nice to have a valid opinion. Everyone here listens and cares about what I have to say and while they don't always end up going the direction I think they always should, they always have a REALLY good reason why not. (side note...they're always right :) )
* I feel...UNREST & UNEASY...I miss my family. The girls are so tired of having their schedules disrupted and they don't understand everything that's going on. They come to the room and cling to me. Troy is missing all the Dr consults and feels like he's not having any input into the decisions being made. I need to be here full time for Aaron and my family needs me too. Troy is doing SUCH a great job with the girls (packing three suitcases for just one night) and I know everyone is feeling the burn. We all want and need to be in our own environment and together again!
* I feel...TIRED...but don't tell my mom cause she's had less sleep than me since she comes to pull the night shift so I can get as much sleep as possible. Thanks mom :)
* I feel...INCOMPETENT...why can't I fix my baby on my own and what did I do to make him this way. (Irrational though that may be it's where I'm at)
* I feel...HUMBLED...The blessings we have recieved lately have all been of healing and complete recovery. We are truly blessed to have a Father who loves us and knows us enough to always give us something to get us through. I am so glad He has enough confidance in me to truse me with these trying times. I am learning so much about the capabilities of myself and my husband and even my children. I am so glad for sure knowledge and faith.
I sooo should have ended with the gratitude and blessed feelings, they were much more uplifting. Sorry for that. I'll keep updating as we know more. We're doing trial and error right now to find the best solution. We see another specialist today (Gastroenterology). The Dermatology problem is already in 2 treatments much improved. Progress is promising. SLIGHT chance that we'll come home today but not necissarily. We are facing a summer of frequent trips up here. Since he's stable and we're playing guessing games we can do most of our trials at home and just do lots and lots of follow up. I'm good with that. We ALL just need to be at home!
2 comments:
Anna, You and your family are in my prayers. Children's Hospital is an amazing place, and I trust they will do everything in their power to make your little munchkin better :)
I can not even imagine how heart wrenching it is to see all of the terribly sick children in that hospital. I am thinking of you and your family and remembering you in my prayers.
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